My thoughts about Chapter 68

i haven't given my thoughts so much recently so i will try my best too!

this chapter somehow brings back the vibe of chapter 46. not just in how the flow and movement unfold, but in the details that make it clearer than ever. after all, shima’s simple wish has always been to have someone—a friend—to hear him, to listen, to understand. to see him as a normal person, not as someone gifted, not as an actor, not as a handsome guy.

the pain he carries is not without reason. for his family, for his mom, he kept pushing himself, wanting to live a happy life with his parents, to enjoy the carefree days that other kids had. so he kept improving, striving to be good enough, but no matter how much he did, for his mom and many other parents, it was never enough. when he reached the point of realizing this, the glass couldn’t hold it in any longer—it overflowed, like the straw that broke the camel’s back.

how painful it must have been, to stand there and speak, only for his mother—the person who raised him, who should have understood him the most—to not truly hear him. the past is irreversible, and he has to accept it and move forward. but moving on is hard. how do you move on when the memories keep pulling you back?

when every day is filled with the weight of the past, people like us tend to withdraw, shutting ourselves in until we stop moving entirely—just like he once did. but mitsumi is here, reminding him, you will eventually have to move on, to let yourself feel more worthy than ever. and through their time together, he realizes this. he knows he can’t stay in the same place forever. the world moves, friends move, even the person he holds closest moves forward—how can he stay behind? he wants to catch up. he doesn’t want to make his friends feel like there’s an invisible wall keeping them from knowing him. so he chooses to become a better person. at first, maybe it’s just a disguise for moving on, but it still pushes him forward.

from Chapter 68

to move on, he has to face and resolve what’s been holding him back—the traumas of his childhood. chapter 66 already showed how he’s opening up more to his childhood friends, and this chapter is another step: realization and acceptance. the memories, the nightmares return— echoes in his mind, even clearer now—but he faces them. it hurts, but it has to. even if he doesn’t want to, they will still be there.

to face it is to overcome it. and so the nightmare ends, and morning comes—a breezing sunrise morning. a moment of relief, a quiet reassurance that hope is still there, waiting for him. a new adventure can begin. he doesn’t have to remain a failure, he doesn’t have to live the way he did before. the sun still rises, friends still stand by him, and new possibilities still exist.

from Chapter 68

living is to live, to prove that you are truly here—not just existing. to grow up is to become a child again. to know that i am still here—the monster in myself, to the child i once was.

from Chapter 68 (left) and Chapter 46 (right)